Utah Man Worried His Extremely Specific Fetish a Public Health Crisis
A Utah man is concerned that his habit of watching videos of women having sneezing fits while attempting to read aloud is an endangerment to his mental and physical wellbeing.
Source: Utah Legislator Ken Ivory Engaged in Sexual Relationship with Lobbyist Ken Ivory
SALT LAKE CITY — A source close to Utah lawmaker Ken Ivory has revealed an intimate relationship between the legislator and American Lands Council President Ken Ivory. According to the anonymous source, Ivory has been romantically attached to Ivory for decades. The affair reportedly began sometime in the mid-1970s, when the couple explored their mutual feelings…
Utah Congressman Fighting to Save His Ancestral Drilling Lands from Native Americans
BLANDING — A prominent congressman from Utah is engaged in a desperate struggle with Native Americans to preserve the dwindling oil drilling lands of his ancestors—a struggle that hinges on one of the biggest public lands deals in U.S. history. Rep. Rob Bishop’s Public Lands Initiative proposes to protect large swaths of land in southeastern Utah from the…
Gayle Ruzicka: More Should Be Done to Protect ‘Delicious’ Utah Children
SALT LAKE CITY — An influential political activist in Utah is pushing lawmakers to do more to protect and nourish the state’s children. On Saturday, Gayle Ruzicka announced the Utah Eagle Forum‘s areas of concern for the upcoming legislative session at their annual convention. Ruzicka, the conservative group’s leader, discouraged the passage of medical marijuana legislation…
Utah Man Drives to Colorado for Powerball Tickets, Legal Marijuana, Cleaner Air, Better-Funded Public Schools, Higher Minimum Wage, Expanded Medicaid, Overall Better Quality of Life
MACK, COLO. — A Utah man hoping to cash in on a record $1.5 billion Powerball jackpot drove across the state border into Colorado Wednesday afternoon, scoring half a dozen lottery tickets, some edible marijuana products, a brochure on healthcare options for low-income residents, and other goodies not available in the Beehive State. Byron Powell,…
Sen. Weiler Earns Enough Twitter Followers to Qualify for GOP Primary
WOODS CROSS — Sen. Todd Weiler (R-Woods Cross) has become the first Utah candidate to get his name on a primary ballot via Twitter followers, according to his campaign. The incumbent of Senate District 23 reportedly earned the requisite number of followers when @lifewithheidig followed Weiler’s personal account, @gopTODD, late Monday night. @lifewithheidig, or Heidi…
Rep. Gibson Jogging Up & Down Capitol Steps in Preparation for Legislative Session
SALT LAKE CITY — Lawmakers across Utah are getting ready for this year’s state legislative session, which promises to be as feverish as ever. But perhaps no one will be better prepared for the 45-day marathon than Rep. Francis Gibson (R-Mapleton). A notable endurance athlete, Gibson has been relentlessly sprinting up and down the south steps of…
Jeb Bush Earns Top Seed in GOP Presidential Tournament Bracket
The Republican Party has finally unveiled their 2016 presidential bracket after weeks of buildup and speculation.
Pro-Family Group to Hold Annual ‘All Families Are Natural Families Except For The Hamiltons’ Conference in Utah
Since its inception in 1997, the World Congress of Families has been steadfast in asserting that the Hamilton family, a middle-class, caucasian family based in Duluth, Minnesota, is a degenerate union whose assembly is a direct offense to the legitimacy of all other families.
Wistful Karl Malone Can’t Stop Posting on Craigslist’s ‘Missed Connections’ Section
NBA Hall of Fame legend and former Utah Jazz player Karl Malone is reportedly enduring a sustained period of ennui and interpersonal disconnect, which has manifested in desperate, semi-anonymous posts on a local online dating forum.
Obama to Reporters: ‘Wait, When Was I in Utah?’
In a brief question-and-answer session with the White House press corps on Wednesday, President Barack Obama revealed he was completely unaware that he had traveled to Utah last week.
Old Ephraim 