PRICE — Amid mountains of speculation over the past several months, Utah politician Jerry Anderson has taken the first measured steps towards a presidential run in 2016.
Anderson, who allegedly would be 81 by the time of his inauguration, announced to a live online audience on Google that he has entered the exploratory stages of his campaign, and he hopes to make a solid decision by April 2015.
“The timing seems right. I don’t want to wait too long and look back on my life years from now and think, ‘Jerry, that was your chance to really make a dent,'” he said.
Anderson’s wife Shirley later entered the couple’s living room and informed her husband that he was not in a Google chat room, and he was actually speaking to a handheld mirror he had mistaken for his granddaughter’s iPad.
Anderson, an avid beekeeper and former educator, has taken the Utah legislature by storm since his election in 2012. The freshman lawmaker has sponsored a staggering three bills, and while none of them ever got past committee, the bills’ revolutionary ideas shook a stale, decrepit institution to its core.
For example, 2014’s HB 229, penned by Anderson, took on the monumental yet overdue task of redefining air. In particular, Anderson fought to defend carbon dioxide from an increasingly nasty smear campaign, which paints the naturally-occurring gas as an unwanted pollutant contributing to a fictitious global climate crisis.
In fact, as Anderson explained to a Salt Lake Tribune reporter back in February, the world needs more, not less, CO2.
“Concentrations reached 600 parts per million at the time of the dinosaurs and they did quite well. I think we could double the carbon dioxide and not have any adverse effects,” he said. As Anderson grew up during the tail end of the dinosaur era, his claim could not be credibly disputed.
Later at a JB’s Restaurant in his hometown of Price, Anderson was asked what issues would define his presidential platform.
“I’ll just have a water to drink for now, thank you,” he said. “And do you know if the fried chicken is healthier than the chicken-fried chicken? My doctor says I need to eat healthy or else my bowels will get backed up again.”