SALT LAKE CITY — A brave Utah lawmaker is being heralded as a hero for publicly admitting complete ignorance of the female boob.
In a public discussion of Utah State Senate business, Sen. Scott Jenkins displayed unambiguous confusion over how woman-mothers boob-feed their babies. The Plain City Republican repeatedly scratched his head and shifted uncomfortably in his chair as his colleagues endeavored to explain boob milk. Eventually, Jenkins conceded that the girl-boob is simply outside of his capacity for comprehension.
“I have a little secretary who works for me. She’s a ‘boob person,’ just like my wife,” he said at the Senate bill reading attended by prominent members of the news media. “Now I’ve always heard, it’s milk, milk, lemonade, and then around the corner I believe it’s fudge being made. So if I understand correctly, the boob—and there are two of the boob—it is the milk parts. Now it’s beyond me why the babies want the milk and not the fudge. My secretary, she brings her baby and it only drinks the milk boob, and it has toys that sit on the floor and it’s very intrusive and complicated. In conclusion, my secretary is a mean boob lady and I don’t like her baby.”
Jenkins’s act of heroic humility was live-streamed to the worldwide web and recorded for posterity in case anyone heretofore ever wants to listen to it again.